Thursday, July 19, 2018

I Am Not Wicked--or Am I?


Return, Israel, to the Lord, your God; you have stumbled because of your iniquity.  Take with you words, and return to the Lord; Say to him, “Forgive all iniquity, and take what is good. Let us offer the fruit of our lips.[1]

            It is often extremely difficult for us to see our faults, our sins.  We, many times, live lives that is right in our own eyes.  This is a result of original sin.  This is what Satan was speaking of when he told Eve, “Your eyes will be opened, and you will be like gods, who know good and evil.”[2]  As a result, many times we disagree with Scripture—God’s word—and his Body, the Church, thinking that what we believe is more rational or relevant.  If we disagree with God, then we are putting ourselves above him, making ourselves god.  We do not believe we are wicked; therefore, we see no need of repentance.  However, our defense of ourselves holds no water in comparison to the truth of God.  When we see the true holiness of God, we can only hold our heads in shame, becoming speechless. 
            In the Old Testament, Israel—the northern kingdom—also did not see wickedness in themselves.  They believed they were worshipping the true God, and they felt that, if they were not prospering, they were at least comfortable.  That is us.  This is one of the things we strive for: comfort.  Therefore, we subconsciously make ourselves the judge of what will make us comfortable.  We need to constantly realize that we are not the Judge, that God is not working to make us comfortable, but is working to remove the dross from us.  God is holy, and sin cannot be in his presence. 
            The Roman soldiers placed a crown of thorns upon our Lord’s head.  Those thorns can be representative of mankind.  Those thorns, God is turning into a glorious crown.  It is not riches, nice clothes, etc., that makes that crown glorious; it is humility and suffering.  We are shown this by our Lord’s life on this earth.
            We inherently compare ourselves to other people, and it is by this means that we probably consider ourselves as not being wicked.  We live in shades of gray.  What we need to do is see things more as black and white.  White is holiness, saints; black is wickedness, sinners.  We need to compare ourselves to God, and then we will see ourselves as wicked.  St. John holds this view.  He tells us: God is light, and in him there is no darkness at all.  If we say, “We have fellowship with him,” while we continue to walk in darkness, we lie and do not act in truth.[3]  If we look at these words as black and white, we know that darkness is in; and, therefore, we are not in a perfect relationship with him.  This must grieve us.  Seeing our wickedness and thereby causing our repentance, we will have hope.  But if we walk in the light as he is in the light, then we have fellowship with one another, and the blood of his Son Jesus cleanses us from all sin.  If we say, “We are without sin,” we deceive ourselves, and the truth is not in us.  If we acknowledge our sins, he is faithful and just and will forgive our sins and cleanse us from every wrongdoing.  If we say, “We have not sinned,” we make him a liar, and his word is not in us.[4]
            Our admittance of our wickedness causes humility; it shows our weakness.  It is this weakness which we should boast of.  It is this weakness which will make us strong.  As St. Paul teaches us: “…for power is made perfect in weakness.” I will rather boast most gladly of my weaknesses, in order that the power of Christ may dwell with me. Therefore, I am content with weaknesses, insults, hardships, persecutions, and constraints, for the sake of Christ; for when I am weak, then I am strong.”[5]  It is then that these words will have meaning for us: Return, O Israel, to the Lord your God, for you have stumbled because of your iniquity.  Take with you words and return to the Lord; say to him, “Take away all iniquity; accept that which is good, and we will render the fruit of our lips.[6]
            Scripture tells us that Israel had become guilty, for she had rebelled against God.[7]  I think it would be safe for us to presume that Israel did not realize this fact.  We can conclude this from the words Amazia spoke to the prophet, Amos: “Off with you, seer, flee to the land of Judah and there earn your bread by prophesying!  But never again prophesy in Bethel; for it is the king’s sanctuary and a royal temple.”[8]  Amos was prophesying words of destruction, and Israel did not like this.  We, very often, are much like this.  We hold ourselves in the best light, and we do not like others telling us things we don’t agree with.  This is what can be interpreted from the words “king’s sanctuary” and “royal temple.”  We act as though we are “number one,” “king.”  If only Israel had believed, good would have come to them.  Likewise, when we see who and what we really are, goodness will come upon us: I will listen for what God, the Lord, has to say; surely, he will speak of peace to his people and to his faithful.[9]  Although the words that the prophets were seemingly harsh, they were words of peace—if they had adhered to those words.  Love and truth will meet; justice and peace will kiss.  Truth will spring from the earth; justice will look down from heaven.[10]
            Let us come to the realization of who we are, and pray with the psalmist: Have mercy on me, O God, according to thy steadfast love; according to thy abundant mercy blot out my transgressions.  Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin![11]  Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me.  Cast me not away from thy presence, and take not thy holy Spirit from me.  Restore to me the joy of thy salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit.  Then I will teach transgressors thy ways, and sinners will return to thee.[12]  
            We are our own worst enemy.  This is because we very often live by our feelings and passions.  In the sixth chapter of the Gospel according to St. Mark, we read: He summoned the Twelve and began to send them out two by two and gave them authority over unclean spirits.  He instructed them to take nothing for the journey but a walking stick—no food, no sack, no money in their belts. They were, however, to wear sandals but not a second tunic.  He said to them, “Wherever you enter a house, stay there until you leave from there.  Whatever place does not welcome you or listen to you, leave there and shake the dust off your feet in testimony against them.”  So they went off and preached repentance.  They drove out many demons, and they anointed with oil many who were sick and cured them.[13]  We must realize that Judas was one of the Twelve.  He was also doing these great works.  He had made a decision to follow Jesus, and he was chosen as one of the apostles.  Perhaps, Judas was on our Lord’s mind when he spoke the words: “Not everyone who says to me, ‘Lord, Lord,’ will enter the kingdom of heaven, but only the one who does the will of my Father in heaven.  Many will say to me on that day, ‘Lord, Lord, did we not prophesy in your name? Did we not drive out demons in your name? Did we not do mighty deeds in your name?’ Then I will declare to them solemnly, ‘I never knew you. Depart from me, you evildoers’.”[14]  Judas was living by his feelings and passions.  It is ill-advised for us to look down upon Judas, when we should be seeing ourselves in him and, as a result, repent.
            Let us presume for a moment that, much like ourselves, Judas did not think that he was greedy.  Let us also presume that, in some way, he even justified in his mind that the money he was taking from the purse was not really stealing.  This is what we often do.  We attempt to justify why it is okay for us to do what we do and say what we say.  The danger is: We are hardening our hearts just as Judas had.  When we attempt to justify our actions, we are saying that we do not desire to repent, and we do not desire the peace of God in this matter.  If we are not careful, this will continue more and more.  Just as callouses do not come immediately upon us but occurs gradually, so is the hardening of our hearts.  It is God’s word and the teaching of his Church which works repentance and confession in us and keeps our hearts tender.  It is repentance and confession, along with prayer, which will save us from ourselves.
            St. Paul tells us: Do you not know that the runners in the stadium all run in the race, but only one wins the prize?  Run so as to win.  Every athlete exercises discipline in every way. They do it to win a perishable crown, but we an imperishable one.  Thus, I do not run aimlessly; I do not fight as if I were shadowboxing.  No, I drive my body and train it, for fear that, after having preached to others, I myself should be disqualified.[15]  This is our cooperation with the works of God; this is part of the suffering we must endure.  What St. James tells us coincides with this: Where do the wars and where do the conflicts among you come from?  Is it not from your passions that make war within your members?  You covet but do not possess.  You kill and envy but you cannot obtain; you fight and wage war.  You do not possess because you do not ask.  You ask but do not receive, because you ask wrongly, to spend it on your passions.  Adulterers!  Do you not know that to be a lover of the world means enmity with God?  Therefore, whoever wants to be a lover of the world makes himself an enemy of God.[16]  We need to be praying that God help us to overcome our feelings and passions.
            Considering the words of St. James, we now understand that Israel had committed adultery against God.  Nevertheless, God, because of his abundant love, desired that they have peace with him.  He forewarned them of prevailing danger; however, they did not understand—nor did they desire to understand--for they only wanted to hear things that pleased them.  Like Israel, we commit adultery against God many times.  Out of his abundant love, he is calling to us to repent.  Return, Israel, to the Lord, your God; you have stumbled because of your iniquity.  Take with you words, and return to the Lord; Say to him, “Forgive all iniquity, and take what is good. Let us offer the fruit of our lips.  In response to his love, let us reply: Let me hear what God the Lord will speak, for he will speak peace to his people, to his saints, to those who turn to him in their hearts.  Surely his salvation is at hand for those who fear him, that glory may dwell in our land.[17] If you, Lord, keep account of sins, Lord, who can stand?[18]  How many are my iniquities and my sins? Make me know my transgression and my sin.[19]  My iniquities have gone over my head; they weigh like a burden too heavy for me.[20]  Have mercy on me, O God, according to thy steadfast love; according to thy abundant mercy blot out my transgressions.   Wash me thoroughly from my iniquity, and cleanse me from my sin![21]  Create in me a clean heart, O God, and put a new and right spirit within me.  Cast me not away from thy presence, and take not thy holy Spirit from me.  Restore to me the joy of thy salvation, and uphold me with a willing spirit. 
            The concupiscence within us causes us to want to justify our desires, feelings, and passions.  The way of fools is right in their own eyes.[22]  We must fight this, but this is like a toddler fighting an adult.  We are too weak.  This we must confess; and, thereby, in our weakness, we will become strong.  Christ will, then, do our fighting for us.  However, let us not become disillusioned that there will be ease.  When St. Paul instructed us regarding this, what had occurred prior?  …A thorn was given me in the flesh, a messenger of Satan, to harass me, to keep me from being too elated.[23]  In the poem, Footprints in the Sand, we read: “In each scene, I noticed footprints in the sand.  Sometimes there were two sets of footprints; other times there were one set of footprints.”  The Lord told the person, “The times when you have seen only one set of footprints is when I carried you.”  Nonetheless, when were these times?  “During the low periods of my life, when I was suffering from anguish, sorrow, or defeat.”  Although in our weakness Christ is strong, we still undergo the suffering, just as St. Paul did.  When we are fighting our desires, feelings, and passions, it is Christ who is causing us to overcome; nevertheless, we feel the pain.
            From St. Augustine, we learn: “By your Gift (the Holy Spirit), we are inflamed and are borne upwards; we wax hot inwardly and go forwards.  We ascend your ways that be in our heart (cf. Ps 84:5) and sing a song of degrees; we glow inwardly with your fire, with your good fire, and we go, because we go upwards to the peace of Jerusalem; for glad was I when they said unto me, ‘Let us go into the house of the Lord (cf. Ps 122:1).’  There has your good pleasure placed us, that we may desire no other thing than to dwell there forever.”[24]  Fire burns, is painful, burning away all that is bad/harmful within us.
            The pain should give us hope.  It should cause us to recall that God is doing a good work within us, answering our prayers.  It gives us hope.  It reminds us that this hope is not a wishful thinking, but is a concrete thing, something that is taking place within us now and will be fulfilled in the future—if we persevere to the end (cf. Col 1:21-23, 2 Ti 2:12).  Even this perseverance does not come by our strength, but his.  But his allowing us to suffer allows us to cooperate with what he is doing and also gives us this hope. 
Pope Benedict XVI tells us: “…Every statement about the Faith is ordered to the four basic elements: the Creed, the Our Father, the Decalogue (the Ten Commandments), and the sacraments.  The whole foundation of Christian life is thereby included—the synthesis of the Church’s teaching as it is based on Scripture and Tradition.  Christians find here what they are to believe (the Symbolum or Creed), what they are to hope (the Our Father), what they are to do (the Decalogue or Ten Commandments), and the ambience in which all this is to be accomplished (the sacraments).”[25]  Everything we need to return to God, and remain, is contained in the great gift Jesus has given us: his Body, the Catholic Church.  Justice and mercy kiss in the Church.
Because it is often difficult for us to see our own faults, we ask God to reveal our sins to us.  Most often, he is going to do this by utilizing others and the Church.  When others tell us our fault, or get angry with us, many times it will not be in a kind manner; but we need to keep the mindset that it is from God, showing us our sins.  When they act this way to us, we must be gentle and kind in return.  We learn this from what happened to King David: And David said to Abishai and to all his servants (when Shime-i cursed King David), “Behold, my own son seeks my life; how much more now may this Benjaminite! Let him alone, and let him curse; for the Lord has bidden him. It may be that the Lord will look upon my affliction, and that the Lord will repay me with good for this cursing of me today.”[26]  God can also reveal our sins through the Church, utilizing the prayers, readings, and homilies.  We can often find them in the readings that we feel “have no relevance to us,” that “do not apply to us.”  Those are the ones we need to give most heed to.  Realizing that we are our own worst enemy, we can be extremely cautious, allowing God to subdue that great enemy.
Marriage can be a good example.  A marriage is more harmonious when both spouses desire giving more than receiving, when each seeks the good of the other more than what they want to receive or their own “happiness” or what they think they might deserve.  Even if it is only one spouse who has this mindset, the marriage will probably be good.  That spouse will have the mindset of King David: “Let my spouse curse me, for the Lord has bidden him/her.  It may be that the Lord will look upon my affliction and that the Lord will repay us with good for this cursing of me today.”  And, then, we pray for our spouse.  We, likewise, can keep this mindset in our interactions with those we come in contact with daily.  As St. John Chrysostom instructs us: If you are a severe judge of the sins of others, what defense can you make in matters wherein you yourself do amiss, by saying that you are ignorant of what things ought to be done?[27]  If we are harsh judges of the sins of others, should we not also be judged harshly for our sins—whether done in ignorance or with full knowledge?
In another place, Chrysostom teaches us: “If you speak of the [sins] of others, you are [in] no wise profited, neither have you gained anything but have ruined yourself.  If you confess your own [sins] to the Lord, you have great reward: for one says, ‘I said, I will confess against myself mine iniquity to the Lord, and you forgave the impiety of my heart’ (Ps 32:5).”[28]  When we speak bad of another’s faults, we are saying that we are better than them.  To the contrary, St. Paul tells us, “…in humility, count others better than yourselves.”[29]  This does not mean that we should not grieve over the sins of others, but we should pray for them.  As St. Jerome says, “Good men have always sorrowed for the sins of others.”[30]  
Returning to John Chrysostom, we learn: “He who weeps for the sins of others will not pass by his own transgressions unwept or, rather, he will not quickly sin.  But this is dreadful: that, when we are ordered to grieve for them that sin, we do not even exhibit any repentance for our own sins but, when sinning, remain without feeling…”[31]  We need to see our sins in the sins of others.  Otherwise, we are pointing fingers and putting ourselves above them, when we are not the Judge of who is better.  When we point fingers, thinking others are worse than us, we have become like the Pharisee: ‘God, I thank thee that I am not like other men, extortioners, unjust, adulterers, or even like this tax collector.[32]  He did not go to his house justified (cf. Lk 18:14).
“I am not wicked”—or am I?  If we do not think we are wicked, we have nothing to repent of.  Someone might say, “I sin, but I am not wicked.”  The problem becomes: We are not the Judge.  We see ourselves in the best light.  If we see the worst in ourselves, we cry out to God for help.  If we do not, we do not grieve, crying out to God.  Let us be like the tax collector, crying out, “God, be merciful to me a sinner!”[33]  Then we will go to our house justified.  We are much better off seeing ourselves wicked and repenting.


[1] New American Bible, Revised Edition., (Washington, DC: The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, 2011), Ho 14:2–3.
[2] Ibid., Ge 3:5.
[3] Ibid., 1 Jn 1:5–6.
[4] Ibid., 1 Jn 1:7–10.
[5] Ibid., 2 Co 12:9–10.
[6] Catholic Biblical Association (Great Britain), The Holy Bible: Revised Standard Version, Catholic Edition, (New York: National Council of Churches of Christ in the USA, 1994), Ho 14:1–2.
[7] New American Bible, Revised Edition., (Washington, DC: The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, 2011), Ho 14:1.
[8] Ibid., Am 7:12–13.
[9] Ibid., Ps 85:9.
[10] Ibid., Ps 85:11–12.
[11] Catholic Biblical Association (Great Britain), The Holy Bible: Revised Standard Version, Catholic Edition, (New York: National Council of Churches of Christ in the USA, 1994), Ps 51:1–2.
[12] Ibid., Ps 51:10–13.
[13] New American Bible, Revised Edition., (Washington, DC: The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, 2011), Mk 6:7–13.
[14] Ibid., Mt 7:21–23.
[15] Ibid., 1 Co 9:24–27.
[16] Ibid., Jas 4:1–4.
[17] Catholic Biblical Association (Great Britain), The Holy Bible: Revised Standard Version, Catholic Edition, (New York: National Council of Churches of Christ in the USA, 1994), Ps 85:8–9.
[18] New American Bible, Revised Edition., (Washington, DC: The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, 2011), Ps 130:3.
[19] Catholic Biblical Association (Great Britain), The Holy Bible: Revised Standard Version, Catholic Edition, (New York: National Council of Churches of Christ in the USA, 1994), Job 13:23.
[20] Ibid., Ps 38:4.
[21] Ibid., Ps 51:1–2.
[22] New American Bible, Revised Edition., (Washington, DC: The United States Conference of Catholic Bishops, 2011), Pr 12:15.
[23] Catholic Biblical Association (Great Britain), The Holy Bible: Revised Standard Version, Catholic Edition, (New York: National Council of Churches of Christ in the USA, 1994), 2 Co 12:7.
[24] Augustine of Hippo, The Confessions and Letters of St. Augustin with a Sketch of His Life and Work, 1886, 1, 192–193.
[25] Joseph Ratzinger, Co-Workers of the Truth: Meditations for Every Day of the Year, ed. Irene Grassl, (San Francisco: Ignatius Press, 1992), 224.
[26] Catholic Biblical Association (Great Britain), The Holy Bible: Revised Standard Version, Catholic Edition, (New York: National Council of Churches of Christ in the USA, 1994), 2 Sa 16:11–12.
[27] John Chrysostom, Saint Chrysostom: On the Priesthood, Ascetic Treatises, Select Homilies and Letters, Homilies on the Statues, 1889, 9, 424.
[28] John Chrysostom, Saint Chrysostom: Homilies on the Gospel of St. John and Epistle to the Hebrews, 1889, 14, 464.
[29] Catholic Biblical Association (Great Britain), The Holy Bible: Revised Standard Version, Catholic Edition, (New York: National Council of Churches of Christ in the USA, 1994), Php 2:3.
[30] Jerome, St. Jerome: Letters and Select Works, 1893, 6, 225.
[31] John Chrysostom, Saint Chrysostom: Homilies on Galatians, Ephesians, Philippians, Colossians, Thessalonians, Timothy, Titus, and Philemon, 1889, 13, 255.
[32] Catholic Biblical Association (Great Britain), The Holy Bible: Revised Standard Version, Catholic Edition, (New York: National Council of Churches of Christ in the USA, 1994), Lk 18:11.
[33] Ibid., Lk 18:13.

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