Many of us have daughters and
granddaughters; and in the back of our minds are the thoughts of their falling
in love and getting married, when we will “give” our daughters away to another man.
It seems that the tradition of the
father giving away the bride began during ancient of arranged marriages. I like to view things from a Christian perspective.
Our Lord teaches us: “From the
beginning of creation, ‘God made them male and female. For this reason, a man shall leave his father
and mother and be joined to his wife, and the two shall become one flesh.’ So, they are no longer two but one flesh. Therefore, what God has joined together, no
human being must separate.”[1] We know that Christ is the Bridegroom because
St. John the Baptist gives reference to that.
St. Paul tells the Corinthians, “…I betrothed you to one husband to
present you as a chaste virgin to Christ...”[2] The RSV renders this verse, “I betrothed you
to Christ to present you as a pure bride to her one husband.”[3] In the words, “present you as a pure bride to
her one husband,” it is possible to see the father giving the bride away.
In a wedding, we need to be seeing
Christ and His Church. The bridegroom,
therefor, is standing in the place of Christ.
The husband is to be an imitator of God and “live in love, as Christ
loved us” and hand himself over to his wife “as a sacrificial offering to God
for a fragrant aroma.”[4] “This is the will of God, your holiness: that
you refrain from immorality, that each of you know how to acquire a wife for himself in
holiness and honor, not in lustful passion as do the Gentiles who do
not know God.”[5] A man should choose a wife by virtue of her
godliness, her inner beauty, not her outward beauty or because they are “drawn
sexually.” In the same way, a woman
should choose a husband.
There is no father who desires to
hand his beloved daughter over to a devil, someone who will be selfish, cheat
on her, and/or abuse her. He is handing
his daughter over to a husband who is going to sacrifice himself for the
daughter, provide for her, protect her, teach her—through his actions and words—Christ. He is “handing” his daughter over to a
husband in order that they may become one and “bear fruit” that she would be
unable to bear if she remained with him, her father. “Be subordinate to one another out of
reverence for Christ. Wives should be
subordinate to their husbands as to the Lord. For the husband is head of his
wife just as Christ is head of the church, he himself the savior of the body.
As the church is subordinate to Christ, so wives should be subordinate to their
husbands in everything. Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ loved the
church and handed himself over for her to sanctify her, cleansing her by the
bath of water with the word, that he might present to himself the church in
splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and
without blemish. So also, husbands should love their wives as their own bodies.
He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one hates his own flesh but rather
nourishes and cherishes it, even as Christ does the church, because we are
members of his body. ‘For this reason, a man shall leave his father and his
mother and be joined to his wife,
and
the two shall become one flesh’.”[6] It is to “Christ” that a father desires to “hand”
his beloved daughter over to.
Prior to giving his daughter away in
marriage, the parents are like the Law, which was annulled because of its
weakness and uselessness, for the law brought nothing to perfection. On the other hand, through giving their
beloved daughter to a Christ-like husband, a better hope is introduced, through
which they, the bride and bridegroom, will draw near to God.[7] As a child, the daughter had to endure trials
as discipline. What child is there whom
the father does not discipline? Fathers
discipline children for a short time as seem right to them, but they do so for
the benefit of the children, in order that they may share in God’s holiness. At the time, all discipline seems a cause not
for joy but for pain, yet later it brings the peaceful fruit of righteousness
to those who are trained by it.[8] Now, the daughter is ready to be presented to
her bridegroom.
When we think of the type of husband
we desire for our daughters, this should also cause us to rear our sons to be
the type of husband we desire for our daughters. We want our sons to be Christ to someone else’s
daughter.
If we keep marriage as microcosm of
the Church, the tradition of the father giving the bride away is
beautiful. Our bishops and priests are
doing the same thing to us: They are endeavoring in preparing to present us “as
a chaste virgin” to Christ, however it is not them but Christ working in and
through them.
[1] New American Bible,
Revised Edition., (Washington, DC: The United States Conference of Catholic
Bishops, 2011), Mk 10:6–9.
[2] Ibid.,
2 Co 11:2.
[3]
Catholic Biblical Association (Great Britain), The Holy Bible:
Revised Standard Version, Catholic Edition, (New York: National
Council of Churches of Christ in the USA, 1994), 2 Co 11:2.
[4] New
American Bible, Revised Edition., (Washington, DC: The United States
Conference of Catholic Bishops, 2011), Eph 5:1–2.
[5] Ibid.,
1 Th 4:3–5.
[6] Ibid.,
Eph 5:21–31.
[7] Ibid.,
Heb 7:18–19.
[8] Ibid.,
Heb 12:7–11.
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